Golf Funnies


Classic Golf One-Liners

  Bad? I’ll tell you how bad he is. In his bag he carries flares, a compass and emergency rations. The position of your hands is very important when playing golf. I use mine to cover up my scorecard. The way he plays they should put the flags on the greens at half-mast. He had […]

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Golf Rule Book

New Rules of Golf

Here are some additional Rules of Golf that should be adopted immediately. I’m sure you’ve all used at least some of  these in the past, and will now use them in the future. If a ball is swung at and missed A player who assumes his stance, formally addresses the ball and then fairly strikes […]

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Playing Hookie & Playing Golf

Johnny hates school and would much rather spend the day on the local golf course. Consequently he often skips school and doesn’t quite know what is going on there. On one of the few occasions that he does turn up, it was too wet to get out on the course, the teacher asked, ‘Johnny, who […]

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golf and beer

Don’t Feed The Animals

A man was playing golf one day. He saw a snake with a frog in its mouth. Feeling sorry for the frog, he reached down, gently took the frog from the snake and set the frog free. But then he felt sorry for the snake. He looked into his golf bag, but he had no […]

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First Aid for Golfers

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny afternoon. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Sure enough, the ball hit one of the guys and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell […]

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The Irish Halfwit

A man owned a small golf course in Ireland.  The Irish Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him. “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!,” demanded the investigator. “Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my greens keeper […]

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Great Golf Shots

Two Northwest golfers reach a very foggy par three. It’s the last hole of a tightly contested match, with a lot of money at stake. They can just see the top of the flag-but not anything of the green. ‘Not to worry’, said their caddies. ‘We will watch what happens when the balls land.’ So, […]

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golf and beer

Whiskey Goes With Golf, Right?

A couple of quickies for you today: One day, after his weekly game of golf, Ralph bought a flask of fine whiskey from the club, put it in his pocket and while walking home, stumbled and fell. After getting up and brushing himself off, he felt something wet running down his pants. He looked up […]

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How Big is a Golf Ball?

A man walks into the bar in a golf club with a monkey on his shoulders. He takes a seat at the bar, lets the monkey go and orders a drink. The monkey is running wild through the bar, swinging from the lights, jumping on the tables and showing off. The monkey then jumps up […]

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