Home Golf Jokes Moses and Jesus Play Golf

Moses and Jesus Play Golf


Moses, Jesus, and this other guy are out enjoying a round of golf at the famed (and Heavenly) Augusta National Golf Club.

Moses steps up to the tee of the picturesque yet deceiving and tricky uphill/downhill Par 4 11th, unsheathes his brand new 9 degree Callaway Great Big Bertha graphite shaft Titanium driver and crushes a long one… It’s right down the left-center of the fairway, but in Tigeresque fashion, his ball flies through the fairway and toward the pond in front of the green.

His caddie is standing at the crest of the hill watching the flight of the ball and he yells back at the tee box to Moses; warning him it’s heading straight for the water. So just before the ball finds its watery grave, an alarmed Moses quickly raises his club, the water of Rae’s Creek begins to part, and his ball takes a huge bounce off a now dry and exposed rock at the pond’s bottom and lands safely on the left fringe of the green.

He goes ahead and plays out. With an awesome Phil Mickelson type bump-and-run, he chips up to within six inches or so and then drains what’s left for a Birdie. He begins to brag to the rest of his threesome about his creative shot-making skills…

Next on the tee, Jesus strolls up and hits a nice, long one directly toward the same water hazard stemming from Rae’s Creek. It heads for the exact center of the pond, but just before splash-down, it begins to hover about an inch over the water. Jesus adamantly declines Moses’ offer to let Jesus borrow his new FootJoy DryJoys and GolfSmith Gore-Tex Wet Suit and he walks nonchalantly out onto the pond and chips his Titleist Pro V1 up and into the hole for Eagle. He winks at Moses and gives a boastful smile of confidence to the other guy.

So now this other guy gets up and casually whacks his tee shot. It’s a ferocious hook of ugly proportions; flying high and way out of the fairway to the left trees, way beyond the O.B. markers, over a fence and into the neighboring Augusta Country Club where it bounces off a broken-down golf cart, and hits a tree. From there it bounces back out to the edge of Augusta National, finds the top of the leader-board above the 11th green, falls down hard onto a sprinkler head below, bounces high into the grand-stands at the 12th Tee, and then rolls gently down the hill back toward the aforementioned pond next to the 11th.

On the way to the pond, the ball firmly hits a little stone in the fairway and bounces out over the water onto a strange lily pad in the pond, where it rests quietly.

Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps onto the lily pad and snatches the ball into its mouth. A rare bald eagle swoops down, grabs the frog with its claws and soars away. As they pass high over the 11th green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the ball from its mouth, which now lands miraculously onto the center of the large yet narrow green, takes two quick hops forward and then a Tour Balata back spin, runs out in a direct line to the hole, rolls slower and slower on this laser-precise Augusta green, ever closer and closer to the cup and finally, in Masters Championship fashion, drops in, dead center, for a beautiful Hole-In-One!

Moses turns to Jesus and says, “I hate playin’ with your Dad.”


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